Appropriately securing a carseat is a big struggle for many parents, though one that is extremely important that we do correctly.  One of our enrolled parents just shared a wonderful link about carseat safety including securing the seat, and types of carseats available:  http://www.car-safety.org/basics.html

Below is an excerpt from the above website:

“According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, motor vehicle crashes are the #1 killer of kids in age groups 1-14.  Safe Kids USA says motor vehicle crashes are the #1 cause of unintentional injury-related death for all children 14 and under.  While some crashes are unsurvivable, over 57% of deaths for children 0-15 were because the child was unrestrained.  Many more were improperly restrained.  Nationally, the misuse rate for child safety seats is over 80% and as high as 95% in some areas.   The good news is that correct use of car seats and boosters does save lives.  Infant seats have been shown to reduce fatal injury by 71%, and toddler seats by 54%.  The information and links on this web page can help you with one of the easiest and most important ways you can protect your children.”

Another great Q & A site is mentioned at the bottom of the page: http://www.carseatsite.com/FAQ.htm

“My challenge is this, it seems each time I put my foot down, so does my toddler.  How do I teach her that she needs to respect us, and the decisions we make for her?”

There are many different techniques that you can use as a parent, behavior modification, role modeling and natural and logical consequences.  For the purpose of this blog, we will discuss consequences…

The Experts:

All works below summarized and sited in:  Guiding Children’s Social Development:  Theory to Practice 4^th ed. 2002 by Kostelnik, Whiren, Soderman, Stein and Gregory.

Problem:  Children constantly try to determine what constitutes in-bounds and out-of-bounds behavior.  The only way they can discover these differences is to test them out by repeated trial and error.  Since adults vary in their willingness to obtain compliance, children test each adult with whom they come in contact to discover that person’s limits.  Both forms of testing frequently result in misbehavior.

Solution:  The way to resolve behavior problems related to mixed messages and limit testing is to enforce rules consistently through the use of consequences. 

Consequences are events that make a particular behavior more or less likely to happen in the future.  Positive consequences increase the chances that behaviors will be repeated, and inhibiting consequences reduce them.

Remember, consequences must correspond with the misbehavior in order for it to teach the lesson…

The Experts:

Guidance of Young Children 5^th ed. 1999 by M. Marion.

Guiding Young Children:  A Problem Solving Approach, 2001 by E. Reynolds.

Positive consequences are those that reward children for maintaining a rule.  One of the most common, and most effective, is to reinforce children with a positive personal message.  When adults affirm children’s compliance using this skill, children are likely to comply again in the future.  This is because a positive personal message reminds children of the rule and its rationale at a time when they have demonstrable proof that they are able to follow it. 

The Experts:

Constructive Guidance and Discipline:  Preschool and Primary Education, 2^nd ed., 1997, by Fields and Boesser. 

Teaching Children to Care:  Management in the Responsive Classroom, 1998,  by R.S. Charney.

Negative consequences are constructive actions aimed at helping children recognize the impact their behavior has on themselves and others.  They are founded on the idea that reason is the basis for behavior change, and they are implemented with the long-term goal of teaching children self-discipline. 

Negative consequences help children learn acceptable conduct from the experience of being corrected.  They enable children to approximate desired acts.  These serve as practice for the future and make it more likely that children will succeed in repeating appropriate behaviors independently.

The Experts: Setting Limits in the Classroom:  Moving Beyond the Classroom Dance of Discipline, 1998, by R.J. MacKenzie.

Types of Negative Consequences:  Natural consequences and Logical consequences.

Natural Consequences happen without intervention, they show children that their actions are significant and do influence what happens to them.  For instance, children who come home late for lunch may suffer the natural consequence of eating cold food or eating alone because everyone else is finished.  Children who talk while the homework is being assigned may miss the page numbers.  Children who fail to put their sneakers in the locker may lose them. 

These repercussions all are a direct result of circumstance rather than of adult manipulation of the environment.  Hence, there are times when adults do not have to create a consequence because the outcome follows directly from the child’s action…. Natural Consequences are very effective in teaching children what to do and what not to do and are well suited for many situations.  However, they cannot be relied on when children’s safety is jeopardized.

The Experts:  Teaching Children to Care:  Management in the Responsive Classroom, 1998,  by R.S. Charney.  New Approach to Discipline:  Logical Consequences, 1993 by Dreikurs and Grey.  Setting Limits in the Classroom:  Moving Beyond the Classroom Dance of Discipline, 1998, by R.J. MacKenzie.

Logical Consequences are directly related to the rule.  This means there is an obvious connection between the child’s behavior and the resulting disciplinary action.  Logical consequences generally take one of three forms:

Rehearsal - children approximate or practice a desired behavior – such as if a child is running down the hall, to have him or her go back and walk.  The act of walking serves as a more vivid reminder of the rule than would simply scolding.

Restitution – children make genuine amends for their misbehavior – such as if children throw food on the floor, it would be logical to insist that they clean it up.

Temporary Loss of Privilege – for a brief time, children forfeit a privilege they have abused – such as a child at school messing around in the hallway.  The child would then loose the privilege of being out in the hallway alone.

I can site so many examples of consequences for even the youngest child, and many have nothing to do with a discipline situation.  Here are just a few below:

Ages 6-8 months:

Behavior:  Baby is making sounds.

Solution:  The parent responds by smiling widely and showing the baby lots of attention.  Participates in back and forth communication, which encourages the baby to ‘talk’ more.

Form of Consequence:  Positive.

Age 11-18 months:

Behavior:  Baby continually throws pacifier out of crib. 

Solution:  Do not retrieve it.  I know it sounds uncaring, but if you continually retrieve it, your little one will learn that you will continually retrieve it, even if it’s 3am!  I promise, if you stop retrieving it, he or she will learn not to throw it out.

(This is also true of the child who throws his cup off the highchair)

Form of Consequence:  Natural

Ages 1-2:

Behavior:  Child refuses to eat his lunch.

Solution:  Put lunch in the refrigerator and offer it again later.  He will get hungry, and he will eventually eat.  Of course, he is going to test your will in the meantime, but you need to keep the same set of expectations for your child.  If he does not end up eating the meal later in the day, then he can wait for the next meal.  Hopefully he will like at least a part of what you are serving for that meal, but if not, again, just save him some left overs. 
If you become the parent who allows your child to dictate what is eaten in your household, you will be making a separate meal for each member of the family.  You also will not be teaching your child respectful table manners, and your child will instinctively learn to reject any new food offered.  (This is a whole topic of its own, which I will save for a later blog).

Form of Consequence:  Logical.

Ages 2-4 years:

Behavior:  Child gets a hold of a crayon and colors all over the house.

Solution:  The child needs to scrub off the marks.

Form of Consequence:  Logical- restitution

Ages 2-6 years:

Behavior:  Child makes a huge mess with her toys. 

Solution:  Certainly, the parent asks the child to begin cleaning, hopefully by reminding to clean one thing at a time, and not the whole room.  Then quickly, before the child has time to refuse, saying something positive about your child’s cleaning ability, or how happy it makes you when she is a big girl and cleans up her messes.

Form of Consequence:  Positive

Ages 2-4 years:

Behavior:  Child injures another child.

Solution:  The child needs to make amends.  (This doesn’t necessarily mean to say I’m sorry – as sometimes making your child say sorry can backfire – visualize the child shouting, “I SAID I’M SORRY!”).  He or she can hug, hold ice on, and or do something nice for the other child.

Form of Consequence:  Logical - restitution

Ages 4- teen years:

Behavior:  Child is asked to put away his clothes.  He surprises you and not only puts them away, but cleans out his drawers too.

Solution:  Praise the child and let him know how proud you are of him.  Your attention will encourage him in the future.

Form of Consequence:  Positive - reward

Ages 3-6 years:

Behavior:  Child throws a temper tantrum because he is not allowed to get a toy at the grocery store.

Solution:  The parent continues shopping (you do not allow the child to dictate that you leave).  After the shopping excursion, the child is not allowed to go with the parent for the next shopping trip, and the child is reminded of his past behavior.

Form of Consequence:  Logical- temporary loss of privilege.

Ages 12- upper teen years:

Behavior:  Child is continually home before curfew, without being asked to be.

Solution:  The child may deserve an extension of his or her privileges, to show your appreciation for his or her obedience.

Form of Consequence:  Positive

Ages 3- teen years:

Behavior:  Child is rude to a visitor, family member, friend, caregiver, teacher, adult, etc.

Solution:  The parent should speak with the child in private, explain how the other person must feel after being spoken to that way, and then, this is important... The child needs to apologize.  He or she will probably be terribly embarrassed, which is good.  Hopefully, the current embarrassment will remind the child in the future not to behave in that manner.

Form of Consequence:  Logical– rehearsal and restitution

In conclusion, consequences are just a very rational way to enact a discipline that is appropriate for the circumstances.  The beauty of most consequences are that you the parent are giving your child ownership of his or her behavior, and the consequence is holding your child accountable.

An absolutely fantastic resource for parents:  http://www.cmpl.org/ 

The Clinton Macomb Public Library has so many fun things to do for kids!  There are  reading groups (including one where children read to dogs - PAWS for Reading), art activities, games, lapsit storytelling hours, movie matinees, music and movement activities for children, and much more…

Children can check out books, movies, tape stories, computer games, video games, and even request items from any library in Michigan.  For big kids there is a link on their site for homework help!  You can even check out a Museum Adventure Pass for free admission to many Michigan museums!

My kids love to spend time at the library looking at books, reading recent kids magazines, playing the computer, watching the train, it’s a ton of fun!  I remember each of them getting their own library cards, what a cool experience.  Now when we go, they get to check out everything all on their ownJ

Parents can join reading groups, take classes on computers, finance, etc, get free digital downloads, peruse the book recommendations and even use the computers free of charge to access the internet.

Such a great resource for us living in Macomb CountyJ

Ahh, the joy’s of parenting a strong willed little oneJ  Read below for some information from the American Academy of Pediatrics:

“By age two and a half your child should have all his primary (or baby) teeth, including the second molars, which usually erupt between twenty and thirty months.”  “As you might guess, the number one dental problem among preschoolers is tooth decay.  Approximately 8 percent of two-year-olds already have one or more cavities, and by age three that number increases to nearly 60 percent.”

(Caring For Your Baby and Young Child Birth To Age 5, 1993, p. 308)

So clearly, we know how important it is to brush our little protester’s teeth, but what to do?  I have to admit, at around two years old, my middle son was not so fond of getting his teeth brushed either!  We tried it all, between wrestling him down and trying to gently pry his mouth open, to the Jedi-mind trick, boy was it a challenge!  Here are some tips that helped in my own household, as well as tricks used by some of my clients:

• Model proper tooth brushing techniques in front of your child (my little ones always enjoyed sitting on the bathroom counter watching mommy get ready for bedtime – brushing teeth, washing face etc.)
• Eat a messy food together and make it fun to brush away the mess (blueberries, cookies, etc.), perhaps she could help you brush your teeth!
• Sing a fun tooth brushing song like Raffi’s “Brush Your Teeth” (to hear the tune)  http://new.music.yahoo.com/raffi/tracks/brush-your-teeth--764602
• Role-play dentist office with your child.  A great time to do this is after her first dentist visit.  (American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children see a dentist by the end of their second year).
• Buy an electric toothbrush for her to use, today there are some great ones with favorite kid characters.
• Check out the local library for books with characters that go to the dentist, loose a tooth etc.  Hearing a familiar story might spike interest in proper dental hygiene.  Ask your librarian for favorites.
• To further her interest in keeping her teeth clean, get her some color pages about teeth www.preschoolcoloringbook.com/color/cpdental.shtml
• Print out a fun tooth brushing chart (get some stickers) for your child to track her big girl tooth brushing skills.
• Videotape your child brushing her teeth (my oldest loves watching himself on video, and some camera’s allow you to turn the screen around so that the person being videoed can see themselves).  Perhaps watching herself on video would be a desired reward for brushing her teeth.

Finally, implement a familiar family routine surrounding tooth brushing, and stay consistent.   Many children thrive on consistency, and though your child may not love a part of a routine, she will get used to it.  Soon enough you will find that conflict diminishes, and getting her teeth brushed will become a normal part of her daily routine.

I am so excited to share this wonderful link to a great resource for both parents and early childhood professionals on the personal and pedagogical Value of Play.   I found it to be both informative and enlightening, as well as an easy read. 

Within this article, author Dr. Jane Hewes defines and describes different types of play, and how to facilitate these powerful experiences with your children.

LET THE CHILDREN PLAY:

Nature’s Answer to Early Learning

By Jane Hewes, PhD

Chair of the Early Childhood Education Program,

Grant MacEwan College
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

http://www.ccl-cca.ca/NR/rdonlyres/EE0776E5-21C7-4E5F-8A7A-23A221AB0047/0/LearningthroughPlay_long.pdf

“Young children learn the most important things not by being told but by constructing knowledge for themselves in interaction with the physical world and with other children – and the way they do this is by playing.”

Source: Jones, E., & Reynolds, G. (1992). The play’s the

thing: Teachers’ roles in children’s play, p. 1

There are two main periods of development in which children express some sort of separation anxiety.  One in the later part of their first year, 8-10 months, and another during the beginning of toddlerhood, 13-17 months.  The reasons behind the anxiety for each of these two periods are different, for the topic at hand; we are discussing the infant anxiety.  Do not be alarmed, it is quite normal for your child to cry each time you leave the room.  At these times during development children are concerned and need to be assured that you have not disappeared. 

Here is what Dr. Penelope Leach, world-renowned child development expert, has to say in her book Your Baby and Child (1989, p.191-192):

“At six or seven months all the signs of your baby’s devotion are positive ones.  He is nice to everybody but he is nicest of all to you.  His swiftest, widest grins, his longest “conversations,” his earliest laughter and very first “songs” are all saved for you.  But, soon you will see a negative side to all this joy.  If he so much likes to have you with him, it is natural that he should come to dislike having you leave him.  He will probably reach a point, at around eight months, when he tries to keep you in sight every moment of his waking day; when he cannot, he will be uneasy, tearful or even panic-stricken.

Psychologists call this reaction “separation anxiety,” but whether or not you see anything worthy of such a name in your baby depends both on his physical development and on his exact home circumstances.  If he can already crawl when the uneasiness first strikes him, he will keep you in sight simply by crawling after you wherever you go… But if he get anxious about you before he gets mobile, he will be in quite a different situation.  He cannot follow you so he will keep an eagle eye on you instead, starting to whimper whenever you move from his immediate vicinity.”

“To you, it seems totally unnecessary for the baby to cry just because you have gone to the clothes line.  But when the baby loses sight of you, he minds.  You are the center of his world; the mirror in which he sees himself and everything else; his manager, who copes with him and helps him cope with other things.  When you go away from him you know where you are going and how short a time you will be gone, but as far as he is concerned, you might be gone forever.  Out of sight is still out of mind.  He registers your absence but cannot yet hold an image of you in his mind so as to wait calmly, and look forward confidently, to your return.  Over the next few months he will discover “object constancy”: learn that things (and people) do not cease to exist just because they go out of sight and hearing.  And, from continual experience, he will learn that wherever you have gone you will always return.  But right now he only knows that you have vanished and that he feels bereft.”

To help you child through this normal developmental stage, recognize that he is anxious, and needs reassurance.  Try to be courteous to his feelings by keeping him close throughout the day, or by letting him hear you to remind him that you are still nearby. 

One thing that I always did for my own children, and a few of my enrolled children, was to talk to the baby when I moved out of sight.  Continually singing or just telling the child I would be right back became a reminder that I could not be far.  Another thing you can do is play a game (much like peek-a-boo).  While walking out of sight, I would call “Where’s Mommy, Mommy, Here She Comes.” My leaving would always be brief, and when I would return I would smile widely and proclaim “Here She Is!” 

Now do not feel that you need to carry your child everywhere.  You don’t want your child to need to be held constantly, but certainly, if you will be out of sight for more than a few minutes you should bring your child to the room you will be in.  Such as the case with my own children, I have sat my kids in the (empty) baby bathtub while taking a shower, or put the exersaucer in the laundry room while folding clothes.  You can even set up a couple playpens around the house if there is a concern for your child’s safety, so that that way he can be near you wherever you are.

Finally, do not be too terribly concerned about this time period, before you know it he will be quite independent and will struggle when you try to coddle him.  Much like every other stage, before you know it you will miss the days when…

The experts take on Biting:  
 

“Aggressive biting and hitting is most common between the ages of eighteen months and two and a half years, when the child doesn’t have the verbal language to communicate needs; instead he communicates through actions.  Biting usually stops as the child’s verbal skills grow” (The Discipline Book, 1995, Sears & Sears).

“Biting is an upsetting behavior that can result from feelings of frustration, overstimulation, anger, hunger, and pain related to teething.  Often, children use biting as a way to get their needs met because they do not have more appropriate methods of communicating what they want and because biting gets a strong response from others.  Whatever the reason for biting this behavior evokes a strong emotions from all those involved, including the child who bites, the victim, the parents of both children, and the provider” (So This is Normal Too?, Hewitt, 1995, p.132).

T. Berry Brazelton, a leading child development expert, believes that biting in anger most often represents a “loss of control,” scary for the child being bitten, but even scarier for the child doing the biting (Touchpoints, 1992, p. 174).

In the stages of development, toddlers learn much about self-awareness when undergoing the natural progression of emotional and social development.  This occurs somewhere between the ages of 18 months and increases steadily into early childhood.  It is at this time that children are learning such things as empathy, compliance and self-control (Infants and Children Fifth Edition, Berk, 2005).  Prior to this time young children, especially pre-verbal children, have difficulty regulating emotions, and act out in ways that meet their needs at the time, the reason that toddlers throw temper tantrums, cry, scream, refuse to eat etc.

Here are some strategies you can use at home to help curb the biting:
 

(Just Good Parenting) 

Label your feelings, and the feelings of your child.  Young children need to be given the words to express themselves.  By labeling feelings (mad, sad, disappointed, frustrated, tired etc), you are legitimizing your child’s feelings and giving him or her the label to use when language skills develop.

(Prevention)

Recognize circumstances that may evoke biting behavior such as roughhousing, conflict, a tired child, teething etc.  Be mindful that an incident may occur during these times.  In a caregiving situation, shadow the child, remain as close as you can to the child throughout the day to help thwart conflict.  Certainly preventing a situation is extremely difficult, and oftentimes the situations are unavoidable, however, having strategies in place prior to the biting will help in the event that the need arises.

(When the child has bitten you or another adult)

React strongly.  Shriek loudly, set the child down and quickly retreat.  Allow some time for separation.  When you reconnect (in a couple of minutes), tell the child in very simplistic terms that biting hurts (Ouch, No No Bite! Mommy has a boo boo).  Show your child the injury, and using the child’s hand show him or her how to comfort you by ‘petting’ the boo boo, or holding ice on it.  Give your child the words to use expressing sympathy “sorry Mommy” and then hug your child.

(When the child has bitten another child)

Immediately comfort the bitten child.  Sternly tell the biter in simplistic terms that biting hurts (Ouch, No No Bite! Child has a boo boo.)  Move the bitten child to a sink and gently wash the bitten area with an antibacterial soap.  (If the skin is broken, you may need to seek medical care).  Take a moment to ignore the biter, sometimes biting is an attention getting behavior and you certainly do not want to encourage that. 

Apply ice to the bitten child.  Return to the ‘biter.’ Allow some time for separation (a brief time out).  Then bring the biter back to the bitten child and teach comforting skills.  Again, show him or her the injury.  Label the injury and the feelings surrounding the injury (Boo Boo, Hurt, Owie).  Remind the child gently (no, no biting, biting hurts).  Show the child how to love the bitten child, give a hug or pet the injury.  Teach sorrowful words like “I’m sorry,” though do not force them.  There is nothing worse than an unsympathetic child screaming, “I’M SORRY!”

Remain consistent!  Remind your child prior to circumstances (that biting might arise) what your expectations are for his or her behavior.  Label feelings on a regular basis, and finally, remember that biting is a normal part of toddler development and... it too will pass…